unfortunately after months of silence, i should really turn this off. littlemissbitchy ceases function as of today.

i've moved[click].

i am not dead.
neither very much alive.


i still dream of the days when we thought nothing but the magic we create on stage:
















love.

and i wonder what have made me to what i am today. i have officially passed out from BSLC and yes call me corporal (oh big deal) and now im thrown at this place which is vaguely dejavu (why? because its the same fucking place) just that its Aslc. yeah, the advanced. and i'm really not feeling good about it. firstly, i need to pass SOC, which i just can't. oh god, why can't the army just get it. you don't go around asking why can't you give birth? why your sperm so weak? you just don't. so, just don't ask why you can't run and pass the fucking SOC. fuck off.


argh. angry. and im booking in today knowing to go through 2 weeks of shit and only booking out after that. oh i want to get out of the course!


Ooh! get me away from here Im dying
Play me a song to set me free
Nobody writes them like they used to
So it may as well be me
Here on my own now after hours
Here on my own now on a bus
Think of it this way
You could either be successful or be us
With our winning smiles, and us
With our catchy tunes and words
Now were photogenic
You know, we dont stand a chance

-belle&sebastian:getmeawayfromherei'mdying.


on other stories. farah is officially 19. eeyir. its such an ugly number. seriously, it is. 19, its like getting closer to the twenties-hood. no more teenager! (yea, yeah, apart from the typicial "you're a kid at heart" what nonsense) we are really ageing. well not to the point of you know, the ageing society-grey haired, menopausalsyndromes. oh you get the point. but you know, no more i'm a teenager and i have i license to be angsty and childish. people expect maturity la.. yadayadayada. and how sad i'm spending my last teenager years amidst testosteronal aura (not that i'm complaining) but, come on, what a way to end a teeny blast. by mentioning that, i'm not totally putting aside oestrogenic relationships i have. well, thanks to beloved female-iwan'tmoreshoes-friends, maybe its not too bad afterall.


its quite sad yet heartwarming knowing that some of our friends are leaving (good riddance? nah) to become "friendsforever" and "internationalfriends". yet at the same time you get this feeling that, oh.. our jc friends are moving on.. pursuing dreams and further education, and for some people and confirm plus chop career with monthly allowance of 1250 US DOLLAR (i wonder who.) and to the rest of us, we are clusterfucking back in FASS: "hello again" and "hey, you look familiar." =)


ah. why can't army people be more civilised. they even call normal shirts and pants "civilian clothes". but that doesnt mean you have to act all barbaric with all those shouting. hurh, big deal having all those decorations on the sleeves and shoulders. one day, maybe just one day.. i could be some politician and calling the shots for mobilisation of you green people. haha! ha! ha. h. a. next lifetime perhaps.


the cat empire! who got ther cd!? surrender! awesome. just awesome!


Our weapons were our instruments
made from timber and steel
we never yielded to conformity
but stood like kings
in a chariot that's riding on a
record wheel

-thecatempire:chariots



in two weeks time.
adieu.

this weekend felt rather long. but i hardly met up with anyone. perhaps meetin rau+ken randomly yesterday in town while my family rushing to watch poseidon at the new cathay (nothing special though, just over hyped). and yea.. meeting desiree for lunch and xijie after she knocked off from work. well apart from that, i dunno. somehow it felt satisfying. i need to find satisfaction in the weekend breaks before going back to camp. ah.


nutcracker passed and well, i din sleep for 4days straight - including the regimental guard duty which i had to do. but its not bad la. better than tekong guard duty, which to remind me - im going back there this tuesday for exercise grandslam. argh. but holy its 3 days only.


2 more weeks to corporal-ship? ahah. thats fast man. i was just starting to love sispec golf. oh golf.


loads of movies to watch and many catching up to do but not enough time. argh. davinci, xmen!


anyone for picnic? supper? whatever? next week? friday night? sat night?
calling friends nationwide, see you people soon! i hope. i heard tsd reunion coming up? -sneers at rau/crystal-


2 more hours before fucking off to pasir laba.

i like being back home (duh) and reading people's blogs. its the only way i can immediately update myself about the people around me in less than an hour. but i think its a very scary thing to do too. somehow when you read a certain part or portions you will immediately conclude or in other words gives a definitive adjective to that person - he's sad, she's happy, she's troubled but happy still. you know when you read an entry - you can tell whether its angsty or even suicidal. but oh well, i suppose we can't just give immediate inferences cos it might not be true anyway. yay. i hope that those angsty blogs, ranting ones - ie burning erupting volcanoes are actually written in a grudging-online-pesona by a calm demure writer. oh what the hell.


yes. yes. everyone has gotten acceptance letter from the almighty-U. and, well i was kinda panicky when noone called from home telling me anything about any acceptance letters. (they normally don't send rejection letters, do they? or they just send a scrap piece of photcopied piece the store janitor typed haphazardly and send it to us in a cheap yellow postcard envelope in august, when U actually starts, that oops-you-didnt-make-our-cut?) ok that aside. a letter was actually on my table unopened (thanks, to my super privacy-shitomando parents about not reading other people's letters) when i came home today. so, given my prior judgement on flimsy rejection letter in yellow envelopes, the letter on the table was quite fat (as in thick - you know what i mean) yeah, and i thought otherwise. jengggg.


congratulations. congratulations. congratulations. (no, they didnt repeat it 3 times, im just doing so to give it a poetic effect, come on give some credits to this not-so-good-lit-student. cheers to harris, hope he's alive and procreating.) yeah. so there it was, im starting uni in 2008. i know its like fucking far from where we are now, but at least i have something to look forward too yeah? seriously, i have been entertaining thoughts about signing on in army (chop! hold your laughter and surprises) serious. no kidding. the money is good, okayla, quiiiiiiiiiite good. you cannot get fired as in kicked out. all that happens to you is just you get fucked around thrown around if you're not up to it la. honestly i was thinking of just signing on. benefits are good. meals and lodging catered - what else do i need? a life. yes. that was what that held me back from taking that form. (woah, so many "that"s in the sentence) yes. i wont be able to do the things i like to do - dance, theatre, choir and seeing my friends in the civilian world and able to dictate what time to wake up eat and what not. frankly, i was the sort that loved organisation, order, structure, routines, but the past 2 years have developed my flexibility in thinking. sometime things cannot go through the way it is structured and planned to. so we try to adapt and manouvre. and thus i realized that im not suited for the rigid regimentation of the army. its good that there's order but thats only on the surface. the not so orderly manner in upkeeping this structure is what i dun really like. hm. fullstop. i should just end my comments there before i get thrown to kranji resort/chalet whatever-they-call-it for defaming the army. pyeh.


so verdict: no sign on. on to nus.
and no prizes which faculty im going to. =)


this some was ringing in my head in camp for the past week. its an old song. maybe im reliving those kid-to-teeny age again (while im actually heading towards the 20s. argh. long way to go. im still rightfully 18! hah. nyehh to helen and ruth who are already 19! can you hear that echo...?" Ooooo LLllll DDddddd..... Ooooold.... OOoooold")


"Summer Girls" LFO

Yeah...I like it when the girls stop by.. In the summer
Do you remember, Do you remember?
...when we met..That summer??


New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick.
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,
I'd take her if I had one wish,
But she's been gone since that summer..
Since that summer


Hip Hop Marmalade spic And span,
Met you one summer and it all began
Your the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespere wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
Sumthin in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone
Fell deep in love,but now we ain't speakin
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch


New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick.
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,
I'd take her if I had one wish,
But she's been gone since that summer..
Since that summer


Cherry Pez,cold crush,rock star boogie
Used to hate school so I had to play hookie,
Always been hip to the B-boY Style
Known to act wild and make girls smile,
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Remind me of you because you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
You love fun dip and cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch


Bridge In the summertime girls got it goin on,
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like,
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike


Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks
My mind takes me back there oh so quick
Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Limpet
Think about that summer and I bug,cause I miss it
Like the color purple,macaroni and cheese,
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
Call you up but whats the use
I like Kevin Bacon,but I hate Footloose
Came in the door I said it before,I think I'm over you
but I'm really not sure
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
repeat Chorus


In the summer girls come and summer girls go
Some are worth while and some are so so,
Summer girls come and summer girls go
Some are worth while and some are so so,
Summertime girls got it goin on
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike

in tandem with the previous post, this weekend was an extremely fulfilling and satisfying one.


yet another food craving satisfied on friday: satay. at newton.
was out with raudhah and tatu and ROHANA - yes to all of you who think that she had vanished from the face of the earth (ie desiree) she is still very much alive and kicking. hooray for the living ikan bilis.


honestly, i feel this sense of security and belonging when im with the geogers. there's somehow a certain form like, i dunno, i cant seem to put it in words cos we are totally 7 (minus yr who is in camp) different people who have magically bonded together in our 2 year journey. like we mentioned before, upteen times, we are like 7 distinct characters of a book.


and so, it was helen's super super super belated birthday surprise. saturday: 150406. well, knowing the geogers, 10am (somewhere) is equivalent to 11am (somewhere ELSE). but oh - who cares anyway, we are used to it. we had a late breakfast at banquet parkway - oh reminiscing the good old slotting days where afterwards we injected pretentious "what time is ikan bilis slot later, erica?" haha, guess those days were over. and we happily went to suprise helen at her worksplace. took a bus down over to siglap south c.c. with the map and the birthday song at the tip of our throat we waited in anticipation for helen to appear out of the glass door as shazzy will bring her out, as planned.


we waited.
and waited.
the door nudged open and "HAAAP...." *beat*
Shazzy: "Helen's not here."
*beat*
*stares*
*silence*


we went to the wrong CC. its siglap cc. jeng! so anticlimax.


so we commuted to bedok south avenue 3 to meet out bimbotic helen. it was heartwarming to see the tears in her eyes, even though its extremely belated - we DID NOT FORGET! when she opened the tube revealing LOTR middle earth map. ah, we knew the tears were of joy, love and friendship and i hope that lasts. =)


everyone being so busy and running around, dawn with tk, shazzy with night safari, erica.. just being erica, helen with work - its down with me cryst and bran. managed to catch inside man which was a good movie, though it started out rather draggy and slow it got exciting at the end. (note: crystal slept at the beginning of the show - rewind back to troy's battlescene where she fell asleep too!)


anyway, the day was satisfying enough - but to top it off, i went over to meet des after she knocked off from starbucks. =)


its nice seeing all your friends again. happy.
i think im becoming more bimbotic.
and i think its irritating that i cant write and think straight (not that i am. but you know what i mean.)


back to pasir laba, here i come.

i officially REALLY miss my friends.
not that i am saying all these while i've not been missing them, but i've been surpressing the feeling and yeah. now i am officially saying i REALLY miss them. it's true that in the army you will make new friends and stuff, well i have a wonderful new buddy in SISPEC and new section and platoon mates and such - but you know the affinity and bonding forged during the jc days.. somewhat is still there.


the geoggers, especially. uncle john. everything, spending 2 years practically seeing them almost everyday (yes, almost - cos you know we are such pon-kings/queens. haha!). i guess i took their presence for granted during those times and now i hardly see them. i think its been like a month since i saw them. well, after the results.


i hope as Ms Yap said that we could have a geogger meal next week after brandon's liberalisation from OCS (bad place!) and i can really see them again. im so going to give everyone a fat big hug! awww..


2 weeks in sispec has been great! seriously. i thought it would be bad but i think i am really enjoying my time there. firstly, we have a female sergeant - 2SG leh... so its like kinda refreshing having some feminine aura in the company. the warrent officers are really nice, though they can really do a good polishing on their English la. haha. they are shit funny! well at least for those in my company. imagine men of 40s running and making weird jokes and are actually fitter than most of us! shameful. but who cares. my Platoon commander is a crackpot. we heard that he had spent 13 years in camp and never went home at all. and he only went home 2 years ago when he got married and stuff. talk about devotion and patriotism man.


ah. 8 more weeks to go. counting down - to the 2stripes. =)

2 weeks?
this place is reeking with emptiness and staleness.


for my uninformed readers, i am currently no more in Tekong (god, you all should know that!) and im no longer a freaking recruit (hrmph). call me private - yes, i have no idea what kind of rank is that but yeah, i am PTE khairul. yes. and yeah, im currently posted to SISPEC which means School of Infantry Specialists and for my non-combatant friends, that is the place where you train the Leaders in leading the men while charging up the mountains (chiong sua?). nods. so basically, you are a biggerfuck than all those people under you and you tell them what to do.


ha. so, it'll be another 3 months before a get another rank and then another 10 weeks (if i go for the advance course to get my 3stripes.)


this is extremely boring - i have actually nothing to write. i' m drained.


reading some of the blogs makes me think about how much i miss my friends. its been a long time ive met dawn, crystal, bran, shazzy - everybody! oh can we have like a reunion or something, a tsd reunion though some of our friends are going to disappear to other foreign lands and poor us in the army wont be able to send them off. i have no idea what is going on outside my home and the camp premises so. yes! we must have reunion. ikan bilis! ana, nene, everybody! (yeah, esmonde too.) hurh.


erica has been despatching news of a geoger reunion in 2 weeks - after poor brandon's confinement in OCS! haha. poor buggers. but that means, yinren's going in too right? oh shit. time is so not on our side. urgh. and i have to travel all the way to boonlay tonight. urgh! sucks.


i just realised im becoming very incongruous. oh. must be the army. bleagh. out.

How many special people change
How many lives are living strange
Where were you when we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you while we were getting high?

Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky

Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you when we were getting high?

Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky

Cos people believe that they're
Gonna get away for the summer
But you and I, we live and die
The world's still spinning round
We don't know why
Why, why, why, why

How many special people change
How many lives are living strange
Where were you when we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you while we were getting high?

Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky

Cos people believe that they're
Gonna get away for the summer
But you and I, we live and die
The world's still spinning round
We don't know why
Why, why, why, why

How many special people change
How many lives are living strange
Where were you when we were getting high?
We were getting high
We were getting high
We were getting high
We were getting high

with the almighty call from Pte Brandon to update this - i shall.


ok, so what's up? where were we? oh yes - lets start with the a levels results. congratulations to those who have done well and i mourn with those who didn't do as well. but oh well, its only results, right? (yes, nods) right. so we embark on another journey in our lives... choosing where to go with the results. (oh well, for the guys we have 2 years to think so it doesnt really apply to us. but, since i have friends with vagina, lets just share their agony in picking the correct course)


and so their jounery begins scurrying to NUS yesterday and today trying to squeeze out that little interest in probably japanese studies (which is taught by this angmoh guys anyway - who had japanese accent. what the world is coming to!) and yeah i dunno. for others scholarships come begging to them to apply. while people like us (i mean non-scholars, not the ehem.) we just try and apply lah huh.


urgh, im getting draggy. maybe i dun want to post this post. oh whatcrap. maybe i should just continue typing. ok yeah. so. i was at NUS with des and xj. yeah duh - FASS. where else can i go? law - fat hope. so heart is set on polsci. maybe it'll change over these two years i dunno. lost hope in geog, and as well as the geogdept in NUS. oh crap. im writing nonsense.


bad entry.

wow, i greet my random visitors to this blog which i believe is perpetually non-living. well, one must understand that the Ministry Of Defence is not really keen on their men (or rather, soldiers-whatever fuck) verbalising their thoughts on a piece of www._____.blogspot.com. In fact, they prefer their urgh-soldiers to enforce their speech with injections of fuck! cheebye! kotek!


get the idea, these instill masculinity. right. oh well, bmt has probably reaching an end for me. and to spare my non-combatant readers i shall not occupy this lifeless space with descriptions of whatever i've gone through for the past few weeks. yes? yes - nods.


haha, and that leaves me no other things to talk about. (yes, army boys only talk about army stuff- and unfortunately i am an army boy- yes, biologically correct. its as if you're trapped in this cycle and you cannot get out of it. though how hard you try- really.)


i shall attempt.


as the dawn(not you dawn) of the big-muther-fucking-A-level-results' date coming near, and i think the world(exaggerating- lets say about 10thousand of us?) have enough of the speculative dates, some people saying its 17feb last friday but since its the budget, its impossible for the Lee Dynasty to juggle both the budget and the heir's A level results (who apparently is having a hell of enjoyable time in Taurus Coy). and so... it opens to further speculations. Let me recall the dates that i have encountered since the past week:

28th, 3rd, 7th, 10th.


they cant bloody make up their mind. well actually, i think the further it is could be better. leaves me ample time to find means to go back to vj and pay vidhya lakshmi my fines. oh gawd- that stupid sloman book. and in case anyone recall, i borrowed that Economics 5th Edition by John Sloman in january 2005 and it disappeared in the canteen! fuyigiugkgghdfgjsf!!! and somehow i believe there was a connection to the decline in my grades for Econs. (oh that wretched subject!) really... well, not as if i really do have a peak for the grades to decline but you know from Es to Os.. that's a relative decline- right? right, nods.


so, back to the dawn(not you dawn) of the big-muther-fucking-A-level-results' date, its like everyone in bunk is nervous about their results. well maybe not really me. cos i perhaps i only get the vibes and tinge the night before. (speaking from experience for PSLE and Os) yup. and on another note, i can dare say my grades does not really matter much, apart from me getting a place in uni. why?i think my jc education has been fruitful. really. i never read and books, but by taking lit, it opened my mind to the wonders of reading and enjoying the prose and poetry. (hello! i was a 3ple science freak in sec sch- all those microbio stuff and physics-oh i still love physics). and so, with TSD making a huge bulk of my education i cannot be more appreciative. of course, the grades will be a bonus- indicating where you stand among others. but hey, going to school is about learning new things, open up my mind to new boundaries, not going to go through what you're good at and get the grades (and sadly thats how our education system goes. watch out, if i become the next tharman, i will ban students taking their best 3 Olevel subs in JC, leaving them taking 3 new/worse subjects and 1 specialty- ha!)


oh come on. lets be realistic- who in this country would agree to that? me? ok perhaps. 3 of my subjects are new: lit econs tsd. so you cant blame me, im leading by example. heh. never thought i would manage it but i did - wow magic. now, we're just waiting for the verdict from cambridge. (please give me decent grades, and decent doesnt mean straight Bs. i dreamt i had str8 Bs. gawd. that sucks. just hope to get some As here and there, and i doubt econs would be a possibility. haha.) speaking of which i have many deals for the results. i remember if i get an A for lit, i will have to run in lime green speedos on tan yew hwee's track. well, i cant decide whether that is beneficial. if i get beyond C for econs, which i doubt, i will i-cant-remember-what-iwas-supposed-todo. ah well.


till that day comes and we'll know.
just prepare some tissues in the pocket just incase. if not for yourself, others might need it- for joy for sorrow.


but before i proceed to that day,
i must settle old scores with that...







VIDHYA LASKHMI!

enough said.

well, surprise - what am i doing at home?
actually, i haven been to camp since monday morning after the doctor sent me home at 1000. yes, i better get staright to the point, i was bedridden for 4-days and i spent hari raya haji at hospital - how exciting. my body is playing rollercoaster with the body temperature. it has been persistently 39.4++ and today it slightly fall to 38.3. and guess what, im suppose to return camp today and field camp is next week and if i dont recover -ohgod- i have no idea what is going to happen. probably they will take me out and send me for a re-course in april or something. -shrugs-


frankly ive no idea whats wrong because normally my fever would last for just 3 days. but it has been almost a week! i think i am going to die.


and i heard if you die in the service they will promote you to 2 ranks up. private... cop? ee. dunwan. okay i must stay alive at least after i POP.


my head is spinning. spinning. ouch. stupid cough is getting on my nerves.


ah!


till next time (if i'm still alive).

there was no beginning for 2005 as everything was a carried over from 2004. the tsd practicals that we have been preparing from november, the orientation camps and a blast at both the practicals and the orientation itself.


personally it was a feat. it was a bang. i clearly remember how i was in the tsd office using the teacher's computers researching on icarus and how my piece would turn out in february. it was all fluff and imagination of tens of dancers on stage with spectacular lights and intense drama. honestly, i was merely dreaming and fantasizing my piece - that was november 2004. then by stroke of godsgrace the piece magically fell in place with beautiful dancers dancing for me and splendid (ehem!) crews by myside even though there were glitches. it went well. frankly speaking, i knew i will get an A for Icarus, but deep within i yearned for some (+++) at the back of it. but oh well, A did just fine. but before that, orientation made me a better person i think. with extreme exposure to the whole school and hell-lot of publicity - i think the school is sick of my face (so say mr chew too, about a proposition for me to emcee for chinese new year or some shit).


TSD group was another blast. though i know the piece no longer exist, there's this fish affinity (ikan bilis forever!) among us. we should have another reunion!


its as though TSD filled 2005 pretty much. nope. incorrect. its the year where i forged many great friendships - Geogers, Rau: the woman in my life (hahah! yes, geogers, you people are the women in my life too dawn shazzy helen erica crystal) and its the year where i get to know my friends deeper. Ikan bilis: rohana, nene, conan, gela, yap. ting-kywinky, des.. and many more people. its a splendid year. the fallen relationship, the love and agony.


it was a maginificient experience. i saw myself changed and catalysed greatly in 2005. though i know some may detest, i think i have matured slightly in my thoughts over the year as compared to the childish super immature khairul back in 2004. gosh.


saw the brink of new year with two great friends - dawn and brandon. the fireworks signifies the end of our adolescenteducation life and urges us into adulthood. they were breathtaking. dawn's presence, despite her football match which man u won obviously, really melted me (err.. weird expression i know) LOVE! and brandon, i initially thought i would never connect with him, but now... i take that back. brandon is actually sensitive and caring - good catch girls (or girl - if you know who i'm yakking about) !!


and of course i had to spend the first few hours of new year with the woman - raudee (and yes, kenneth: they're apparently an entity haha). it was a great night though the red trinks (hugo: iceman) tasted the same and yeah.. i got so much to talk about rau and everytime its expanding, good stuff not to worry.


ah i cannot emphasize this more: 2005 was a blasttt! though everything went past like a flash of light.


and yes of course, my new year resolution:

to maintain the friendships i forged and not to make the same mistake to let go of these special people in my life even if with a change of environment.


lastly: TO HAVE FUN!

i am home at last.


well, i was home yesterday night but was just plain lazy to proclaim that i have touch back on mainland after 2 weeks on that island.


there's a problem with army guys: they talk only about army - and nothing else. sadly, i believe i might be entrapped into that classification. *crossfingers* i hope not. so.. you people who are still at liberty of superior commands and restrictions, please do update/sms me of news outside like probably Singapore got into top 10 for Ms Universe or something (okay, maybe not that exaggerated) like okay probably something like.. err... the COE prices have gone up? or perhaps more heartland news like a cat was saved by SCDF from a tall tree at Hougang or whatever. yeah, you get the drift. so *nods*.


okay, now about the 2 weeks. its been exciting. yes, honestly. come-on, its not as bad as i had expected and seriooooooooooooooooooooously, i don't know what's really the big hype about NS being you know this and that. maybe because i adapt quickly to changes? and yes, the bit about NS draining your intellectual capacity - that i cannot deny. this entry is probably a foreshadow of what may come in the next few months, as my vocabulary will slowly diminish into vulgarities and "purple light in the valley" and what not. that is one thing i fear - to lose my ability to think (though it has been bare minimum for the past 18 years, i still treasure the ability -or lack of-)


okay the whole company is cool. RAVEN. i like it. i think i will enjoy it.


- island life: love it!


ps. i have alot to say but i got no more brain power.
pss. i am still alive, if thats the main point of you keep coming back to this blog.
psss. i wonder if anyone have forgotten who i am. hmm.
pssss. love.

it is goobye for now.


there is no need for a long entry.


let the moon whispers of what we know, and let the stars glows for our love.


missing will be an understatement.


friends.

im crying as i read "beloved-the geoggers".


thank you so much, dawn, crystal, erica, brandon, shazzy, yinren, helen! you have just given me a very much treasured possession. i think similar to shariza's i want it that way video, the book now is one of which i will certainly flip through for motivation and strength. really you guys!


i cannot believe it that i am leaving for camp and parting with the lovely bunch of people whom i have walked with for the past two years. people whom changed me and help me realise of who i am today. i came to vj with the openness and receptive mindset. whatever come will come. its really heartwarming that i have been blessed with such lovely people who i can truly say - friends. it's more than words to express what im feeling but i guess you people will get what im trying to say. geogers, rau... thank you. really. and not forgetting farah, ruth!, cho, and evryone. it will be just listing everyone's name so dont be offended if i dont put down your name, for its already engraved in my heart (yeah?)


dawn said to have a long entry before i leave, and i hope this is not the one cos even though i still have perhaps less than 24 hours, i think i can try to squeeze another post. im really touched by the fact that i have precious friends around me, the bonds that i made in vjc. it was hard as i didn't actually created such special bonds back in anderson, and my life was on a high and roll in vj. really. i was alone - well i met huixin in the arts subject selection theatre. i swear to god, my life is run by impulse and the luck that comes with it is just wonderful. it was an impulsive decision to put vj, knowing that i couldnt get in. but i did. it was an impulsive decision to take tsd, that split second moment that allowed me to come into acquaintance to friendship and to love with these people. TSD: i salute thee for what i am today. student council was another impulsive choice. i was voted in - how lucky, and to quote chewhanei, i became "prolific & flambouyant". i am surprised how i carried myself these two years. fuelled by the passion in tsd and the exposure of council, i became more knowledgeable. i know nuts about theatre, lit or rule-abiding-notions. i just emmersed myself and somehow i managed to find a float in the middle of the deep ocean (i have fears of deep waters by the way). the float - my friends, 55 TSD council. without all these i wouldn't know how i would have turned out. maybe just a nobody? or perhaps a choirboy-nobody. so what if i was a student conductor, there are plenty more who came to vj. and i thank god, and fate for my impulsive choice that i am happy of who i have turn out today.


soon, i will embrace another phase in life. but now, not alone, i have my friends behind me to support and motivate. yes, its YOU! you! thank you so much. the motivation you all gave me throughout this two years have just been great and thank you again as i take another leap. i teared as i read crystal's message:


"life isn't going to get easier, its love that will make the journey worthwhile"
thank you. let love to you all push me forward and not disappoint you.


i cannot express my gratitude, this is not a farewell - but a reminder that the friendships have reached a milestone.


thank you.
love.

an impulsive night safari trip ended up in tight stomachs laughing deep within mandai.


keeper: vatt do yoou theenk the cracodhal yeat?
mother: chapati and roti prata?
keeper: *silence*


tram guide: on your right is an ant-eater...
father: body so big - eat ants.
us: *stares*


upon reaching the Spotted Indian Wolf gallery..
sister: i cannot see any!
mother: they not ready la - haven't put on their sari.
sister: ha?
me: no la.. their nanderk (the dot on their head) all over their body, so takes alot of time.


basically, the impulsive night safari was really impulsive. mother was in black modern kebaya - yes, that supposedly says it all. the trip was enjoyable - haha, not to mention scarily funny. the darkness and wild animals and all. and i bravely embraced the lizards that could possibly be wondering in the dark and all the frogs and slimey shits in the wet grass - eeeeeeurgh.


that aside.


two days ago it was prom.
let say, on our part it was great - really. but the event itself, it was such a letdown (yes, this is meant for you shikin! - i know you read this). firstly, food was mediocre except the green apple smoked chicken thing. emcee was - bleagh. the prizes we bleargh-ier. and goodie bag is more of a badie bag. cleo was passe. we had kisses, while last year we gave handpicked chocs godiva-kind. we had loads of goodies! and literallu GOODies. oh well. overall it was okay~


we saw the good the bad and the ugly sides of some people. i shall not mention any names so that they remain anonymous. and so to maintain my friendship with my friends and hopefully not to offend. but if whoever reads this and feel offended, im really sorry but im just giving my two cent (why are thoughts so cheap?) worth.


the group set off sober and fresh to indochine. but we came back the otherwise. i think this offended and pissed off some people back in the hotel when some of the indochining group came back drunk. i cant say that im fully impartial but to some point, it was rather expected that this kinda things would happen and i think we all should have anticipated it in one way or another. but still, even if it was expected, some of them do still have the right to feel that way cause, afterall they drank yet controlled their drinking. im not upset, but disappointed at some of the reactions we had that night. oh well, all is good and over - i hope. no hard feelings.


it was let free and high. some people were high on alcohol while others were high on emotion. i saw both happening at the same time. and to some extent the equity of both was abreast. the impact each created on a person resembles each other's and somehow it was hard to distinguish. let loose on the dance floor and everyone is lost in their own world. to that good friend, high on emotion - i hope you will find your soul back soon. its all over and nothing to be salvage. it wasn't meant to be such. let it free and let go. it is time to embrace forward and see a change - go you!


seriously, it was a night to remember. not just about myself but of my beloved friends. it was a test to our friendship.


hah. away from the melancholy and to the happier things now! everyone looked pretty, the girls especially. though the guys looked almost the same and a somewhat duplicate of each other. but here are some of the pictures though... (well, the one with me looking good in them. hahaha - hey, its my blog! i can choose to show my pretty side, or not)




















the entire prom album (click)

Pretentious.Refurbishment.Of.iMage


see you all there -
all pretty and neat:
despite the daily untidiness
in school and the tormenting
stench of non-bathing mornings.
oh facade! facade!
let them be pretty once;
away from the monochromatic garments
that menacled their elegance and beauty,
that thwart motivation to the shower.
oh facade! facade!
for today you bathe under
luxurious waters in tranquil fragrance
and you don pressed garments;
and combed hair perched atop of that black nest.
oh facade! facade!
let them be pretty tonight - for once,
forever: oh! for the glitterball;
spinning aimless above us,
bright and shining; reflecting
oh the facade! facade! facade!

my first photo-entry. and i dedicate it to the lovely geogers. i think the previous post was just random and nonsense - but i think this one is real.


a brief recollection of our modest history -
the "geogers" started with the original 6:
me, erica, crystal, helen, anisah, nurul.
and yes, i was the only guy in this group. the first lesson was with ms lian, and i was late. i sense that was a foreshadow to my school habits in year 2. it was a lovely start 5 girls and a guy and the first lesson was quiet. very quiet. contrast that to the rawdy all on A55 geogers today - we rawk.


then it was JAE. sadly we lost anisah to the evil AJC and then nurul departed to malaysia. so we thought that was the end of our geogclan 3girls 1 guy. but no! we had dawn and brandon over from the mathsters! and we had our lovely 2nd intakers - yes, surprise surprise: shariza! from ASS man! and peh yin ren. honestly, we thought he was a goner~ lost in his own world.


surprising not. everyone became so close. so close knitted. as i paraphrase erica - "we're intune with each other". there was this special bond, this spiritual affinity that somehow we knoe we have. i know we did. not sure whether we do. but i hope so.


it was uncle john. we became part of the river. we flowed in a singular thalweg and we made it through 9th November and 17th November. it was pure liberation after the geog paper but somehow felt the sumbliming spirit that united us. i didn't want to believe that the bond was just to get through those two days, but it felt quite real. maybe we need a motivation to bind. i can honestly say, i haven talk to crystal for a very looooooong time. i haven talk to helen since like.. ages - though i know she ominously read my blog.


i love you guys.
i will miss you guys.
we must hold on to that bond:
GEOGERS.

good morning.
it has been a fairly long time since the exams ended. eh no - 4 days. wow, it seemed long. and thank you very much to those who are reading this - knowing that i'm not dead yet. and the past few days have been rather tiring. (i shall not plunge into i've-done-this-then-and-i-am-listing-the-fun-things-that-i've-done-in-perfect-chronological-order)


well, summarizing - it has been fun. and more fun to come hopefully before i depart to enslavement.


all is over and everyone is liberated (except for econs s which is later and lit s paper tmr)
everyone has done this i'm-free-from-exams-and-i-shall-thank-the-whole-world-in-my-blog, but i hope i dont end up doing so. its like a farewell msg and stuff. i hope i dun have to do that, but i'll just mention some names:


geogers:joyah susu, petom berapa, taman melati, ahmad yinren, siti gigi, aminah mampos, khatijah pekak.
raudee
ana
ken (nex)
desmond
dean


ok now i have no idea what these names actually symbolise, but well i think they've help me in one way gone through the period (errm, which is actually over hyped cos i din really feel much stress and yadayada - and that perhaps will be reflected in my grades? *prays*)


prom is coming right up, and i can't help but feel that it sill just be a pretty evening though all the guys will be coming in topman/zara striped shirt + blazer. thus, i dun think i can help but be drawn into the crowd again (i hate being part of the crowd). we'll see on that day - what if everyone thinks that everyone will be in topman/zara, so they'll come in something else (pls not sch u) so that i might be the only one. haha. i dun think world only shops at zara/topman. hello people.. there.. like british india, nice sleek look. er G2000! oh man thats cheap and good. maybe how about... domanchi! yes, though i personally dun like their this year's collection - boring - yeah man you (fmath) people should wear.

yes i heard you right. one. just one.


i found myself being rather subdued these few days despite the fact that it is almost coming to an end. as the days go by, everyone is becoming bright - they are glowing. i'm just sinking deeper into darkness and perhaps soon enough nobody will remember i existed. yeay. call it solitary lifestyle. maybe i'm quite getting use to it eh? or is this just a depression phase (though i have no idea why i am depressed? - is it because everyone is becoming bright and happy that they are depriving me of these joy and brightness? -dunno-


i can count the handful of people i talk to. well, the geog S-ers of course, rau, amalina, len, ana and... thats about it i suppose. is it possible that this khairul will live without talking (gosh, isn't this your dreams guys?)


ah, i can't stand it anymore. after tomorrow i shall be myself again! the self that lived in vjc for the past 2 years. the self that was on stage at multitude of college events. i want that khairul. i want to be that khairul.


from the ashes i will rise.
(bleagh, how undelightful)


i hate this kind of angsty posts. i know you do too.